I won’t understand the pain of a mother or any parent with the thought they cannot connect or understand their child. They always want a second chance to rewind the time in order to repair the mistake that just happened. But they can’t. It will be a lifelong hurt that no matter what outcome it will be, they only want the second chance to make it right. I will never understand that pain. I could never comprehend the hurt that they are going through. But somehow I do.
My longing to be a mother, to parent a child, is the hurt that I’m already bearing just to have that chance to carry that pain. If I do, I know that I became a mother. It became a privilege for me that not wishing not to have one but to carry it more so no child of mine would. I would sacrifice my happiness because mine is not as worthy as the child could live in the beauty that this life has to offer. Although the very nature of a mother or a parent is to protect but at the same time is the longing for their child to experience life. Life in itself carries the truth of pain and happiness all at the same time. Who am I worthy to take that away? One day I will say, I am parent. I can decide and I will not have that power. Mine is only to love and bear witness of the magnificence to be a mother.